What A day! And Yet So Normal? – Part 3

This blog post is part 3 of a 3-part series. Please follow me as I reveal what strengths you and I can draw upon to rise above a demanding situation. I hope to continue relating to you at the described Survival stage of life. In this posting, a caregiving and single parenting dilemma is introduced.

The full series introduces a day in the beginning of my Single parenting and Caregiving. Part 1 speaks of Emotional pain, self- encouragement, and taking action despite our difficult situations. Part 2 discusses a parent’s past and provides an example of a conflict management and a related teaching strategy using a parenting scenario.

Here you go:

A day in the beginning of my single parenting/caregiving

End of that Day:

After my two little warriors fell asleep in their sleeping bags, I was left with the baby and my special needs son (SS) to lull to sleep before the end of my active care-giving day. Only then could I do my own evening routine and finally go to bed.

As I bathed and massaged the baby to prepare him for a good night’s sleep, I recalled that SS, a child of few-to-no-words, had earlier mumbled something whose echo signalled it was time for his medication. Keeping that in mind, I finished with the baby, got SS to brush his teeth, change from his then wet pajamas and take his medication. I tucked SS in for the night, noticing he seemed disturbed about something, but I was too tired to pursue that. I wished him goodnight and left.

In my bedroom, I realized that the work with the kids had given me a break from focusing on my own pain. I was grateful for them. It had been a long day with kid visitors coming and going and their parents picking them up after incessant excuses for the late pick ups. Exhausted and ready to sleep, I did my night routine, and finally knelt to pray.

Longing to Finally Get Some Rest:

The next thing I wake up to is something falling on my feet in my kneeling position. It is the Bible! Dropped by SS, I understand he is letting me know that we had skipped that part of his bedtime routine. Usually, the children and I would gather together to read the Bible, discuss and  relate to the story of the day, and then take turns praying before going to bed.

Tired and sleepy, I command him to go back to bed. He starts to punch his chin with his fist, bangs his head on several walls, and jumps up and down the stairs. Of course, everyone wakes up! Some are crying, some are hiding – scared. It is midnight now. It takes me three whole hours to settle everyone down and back into bed. Pheeeew!

What About my Job and all the supporting details?

Luckily for this incident, it was Saturday, the kids could sleep in the next day. Luckily, I was on maternity leave meaning I did NOT have a scheduled shift at my nursing job. I did not have to anticipate the possibility of the nanny calling in sick or not showing up to work. That meant I did not have to frantically call for a replacement nanny who would then say she did not have ample notice. Neither did I have to call in ‘unavailable,’ at the last minute, to my boss who would then have to look for a replacement Registered Nurse for my shift. The fact that I was on PAID leave, thank God, saved the day. There was a steady income and I was available to rescue my family.

And that was just the beginning. No luxury of sitting down long enough to rest. No time to ponder over things. I had to get going. That’s what caregivers do, and that’s what single parents do.

***

Whilst caregivers need rest as much as anybody else, rest is not always possible to catch. This situation calls for creativity and a realization that we cannot do everything on our own. Apart from our own inner strength and resilience, the other strength we can draw upon is found in others. Joining support groups and accepting help when we need it is not only necessary, but also wise. Teaching those we are raising or caring for to increasingly take on some of the work serves to both increase their self worth and take away some of the pressure from you.

We should also look very carefully at how we chose our careers during periods of intense caregiving demands. It is during such times that we can become overwhelmed, perform poorly and start feeling incapable and devalued. Pulling back and seeking resources and support may prevent burn out. It is ok to park your pride and seek plus accept help as you need it. I personally had three good friends I could call upon for help. Of the three, one was fairly reliable. That friend was a great blessing to my family.

***

Click here to be Simply Significant by helping someone through the Survival stage of life. As my token of appreciation, you will receive a free downloadable copy of my upcoming book:

THE TRI-WISDOM EFFECT: How to achieve success and true happiness while caring for others.

OR

Click here to sign up for Guidance & Support if you are a single parent or caregiver.

OR

Click here to pre-purchase The Tri-Wisdom Effect book and receive a free 30 minutes consultation (Worth $75) with one of the authors of the Tri-Wisdom Effect.

 

And…You wouldn’t want to miss my Next Blog Post, would you?

Here, I will introduce to you the concept of Tri-wisdom to help you simplify your life before we move on to a new 4-part series namely “Want to blossom?” Stay tuned. I will be posting every Thursday and the occasional Monday. 

THANK YOU AND SEE YOU THURSDAY FOR THE NEXT BLOG POST.

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What A day! And Yet So Normal? – Part 2

This blog post is part 2 of a 3-part series. I describe the Survival stage that was began in part 1. My parenting scenario will give you hope by revealing what strengths to draw upon to manage interesting situations:

As you already know, this full series introduces a day in the beginning of my Single parenting and Caregiving.

Here you go:

***

A day in the beginning of my single parenting/caregiving

Looking Back

Long before all this, I had been a respected young girl who had worked so hard to become who I had become and to attain what I had attained under the difficult circumstances of my upbringing. I was almost always on the right side of things. As the second born in a family of ten children, it was my cultural obligation to grow up not only quickly but also to help raise my younger siblings along the way. I think I fulfilled that purpose at the time.

mage retrieved from: http://blog.bible/bible-blog/entry/is-it-wrong-to-feel-lonely-when-i-have-god

Retrieved from: http://blog.bible/bible-blog/entry/is-it-wrong-to-feel-lonely-when-i-have-god

After meeting Mr. Charming though, things changed. I entered a strange world where I spent a decade or so fighting for and losing my identity. I became somebody else. No doubt, I still achieved a lot, but it was all done in some other person’s mold. Afraid and unsettled, I searched for the true ‘me’ to offer to the world. From time to time, I caught glimpses of ‘me’ and engaged that self, whenever I could, to achieve results.

Those glimpses quenched my thirst for the self and reminded me of joyful times, times when someone commented that I seemed to “see the world with [my] teeth,” because I was “always smiling, happy, composed, confident and determined!” Those days, my dreams were beautiful and composed of flying to heights unknown, motivating others and impacting the lives of the disadvantaged. Those days, I was surrounded by my loving family of origin who held my hand when I needed it and loved me unconditionally. There, I felt blissfully at home…….

Retrieved from https://patch.com/california/encinitas/susie-waltons-joy-parenting-course-

Some Joys to Behold and Lessons to Learn

As I was beholding these joyful thoughts, the fighting between my two middle kids in a room upstairs brought me back from the daydream. They had bumped hard into each other and were each shouting back a few notches above the last, creating a deafening noise. When I got up to go help the two and to bring some order to the home, I noticed that my special needs son had been standing behind me, possibly all this time, naked and unnoticed.

I turned to hand over the baby to him only to remember that he had no mental capacity to safely guard his little brother, given that he himself needed supervision. With baby in my arms and holding my special son’s hand (lets call him SS from now on), we all went upstairs.

Image retrieved from http://scratchpad.wikia.com/wiki/North-Going_Zax_and_South-Going_Zax

There, we found the two warriors standing at the entrance of SS’s bedroom, blocking it. When asked what the matter was, it triggered the classic he said/she said trap. Neither was willing to budge. I had to pull them apart, physically separating their noses and tummies that were firmly pressed against each other’s. Passing between them, I managed to get through and help SS to put on his pajamas.

While the two brushed their teeth, I looked up the story of ‘The Zax’ by Dr. Seuss. With the two tucked into their sleeping bags in SS’ bedroom, baby still in my lap, and SS positioned in his classic never-sit-down mode (SS hardly sits down but will stand or pace throughout his waking hours), I read them the story. It became obvious that the two had tired themselves from the fight. They fell asleep during the Zax’s discussion, one of them mid-sentence, while telling the other, “… but you are two Zax.s.s…” That day, I let them sleep in their sleeping bags with an additional blanket thrown over for warmth. By their body language and engagement in the discussion, I knew they had taken in the lesson from the Zax’s story.

Yes, even though the demands of parenting can be exhausting, they can also be very rewarding. Enjoy the wild ride as you allow yourself to grow alongside your kids and other loved ones. Enjoy the greatness that is resident in each kid – A greatness that you are tasked  with helping to bring out over time. It will test your patience and your very being. But, in the end you will be a better person for having Raised another or others.

To your Survival, Success, & Significance!

***

Click here to join and become Simply Significant at the Tri-Wisdom village. Receive a free downloadable copy of my upcoming book:

THE TRI-WISDOM EFFECT: How to achieve success and true happiness while caring for others.

OR

Click here to sign up for Guidance & Support if you are a single parent or caregiver.

OR

Click here to pre-purchase The Tri-Wisdom Effect book and receive a free 30 minutes consultation (Worth $75) with one of the authors.

 

And…You wouldn’t want to miss my Next Blog Post, would you?

Part 3 will be a continuation of this blog post: parenting/caregiving and work plus a continuation of what happened that day. Stay tuned.

Click here to receive notification of the next post. You will not want to miss out!

What A Day! And Yet So Normal? Part 1

Welcome!poppy

In this blog post, I hope to relate to you at a described Survival stage of life. You will get a glimpse of who I am  and gain hope from a revelation of the strengths we all can draw upon to rise above difficult situations. This is part 1 of a 3-part series.

Uncover your own strengths by following me through an interesting day in the beginning of my Single parenting and Caregiving.

Here you go:

A day in the beginning of my single parenting/caregiving

***

“Come to the edge,” he said.
“We can’t, we’re afraid!” they responded.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
“We can’t, we will fall!” they responded.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
And so they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.”

― Guillaume Apollinaire

***

“She will not be able to care for four children by herself, let alone her ‘mad,’ autistic son,” they laughed as they chatted in hushed tones, circling their index fingers around the sides of their foreheads to signify she was crazy.

Image retrieved from www.FreeVector.com

‘Watch and see, it will not take months before she pleads with him to take her back.” They swore, betting on it with money they could not even afford to pay. They were that sure.

That ‘she’ that they were talking about, was me. It was the ‘me’ that had been held back by cultural expectations, religious beliefs, and past experiences. That old ‘me’ had taken too long to come to the edge.

But here, I now was. At the edge. Afraid I was falling down the imaginary cliff …

The day I heard those insensitive comments, I felt fear, even a bit of anger welling up within me. It was just enough to get me going but not too much to paralyse me. Memories of positive statements flooded my mind, giving me power to carry on. Memories such as Frank Sinatra’s ‘the best revenge is massive success,’ and Jesus Christ’s “forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.”

Purchase this image at http://www.stocksy.com/338246

retrieved from: https://www.stocksy.com/338246

That evening, I remember catching a glimpse of my baby who lay in my lap, softly cooing and flailing his arms and legs, inviting me to play in vain. At one point, he looked at me with a quizzical expression as if asking “What’s wrong, mom?” and at another point reassuring me “It will be Fine.” Consumed in deep thinking, my situation began to sink in and I quickly silenced that beautiful episode. I had just become a single parent of four children, including a special needs son. I felt all alone in a strange land. I had no residence status. A first-generation immigrant. A visitor with an overwhelming burden to carry. How was my life going to be? My children? Where to begin? How to…..

 

It will be Fine

quoted photo

Image from www.slaythechaos.com

As I thought about how difficult or even impossible it was going to be to manage the needs of my special needs son while working full time and raising his three siblings, fear truly gripped me. I could feel the emotional upheaval translating to physical pain as I alternated between fight and flight states in a beehive of mental activity. With more questions than answers, it was scary! Yet, somewhere within me, I felt there was a backbone. In there, I was resolute. If good was to come out of this, it was up to me to make it happen. I was going to make it work, somehow, somewhat, so help me, God. And He did!

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you”                                                    –Joy Bell C.

So True.

Yes, we all have strengths to draw upon. Stars within ourselves to shine the light to our essence. We just need to draw them out and set them up above our circumstances. Nowhere is this clearer to us than when misfortunes force a light to shine on who we really are.

 

*****

Click here to be Simply Significant and receive a free downloadable copy of my upcoming book:

THE TRI-WISDOM EFFECT: How to achieve success and true happiness while caring for others.

OR

Click here to sign up for Guidance & Support if you are a single parent or caregiver.

OR

Click here to pre-purchase The Tri-Wisdom Effect book and receive a free 30 minutes consultation (Worth $75) with one of the authors.

 

And…You wouldn’t want to miss my Next Blog Post, would you? 

 Part 2 will be a continuation of this blog post: a little about my past and a continuation of what happened that day. I will be posting every Thursday and the occasional Monday. 

Thank you and see you Thursday for the next blog post.

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